8 Ways to Drive a Graphic Designer Mad

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REPOST

Note: This was posted on my old blog in march 2007, and it got shared by other blogs, emails and other social networking sites and generated over 75 000 page views and over 200 comments until it finally got printed in Dangerous Ink magazine during summer 2008. This is my 15 minutes of fame people, please read on!

As everyone knows, graphic designers are the reason there are so many wars in this world. They get inside our heads with their subliminal advertising, force us against our will to spend money on the worst pieces of shit, and eventually, drive us to depression and random acts of violence. And of course, most of them arecommunists.

So to do my part to save the world from them, i made a list of things you can do when working with a graphic designer, to assure that they have a burn-out and leave this business FOREVER.

1-Microsoft Office
When you have to send a graphic designer a document, make sure it’s made with a program from Microsoft Office. PC version if possible. If you have to send pictures, you’ll have more success in driving them mad if, instead of just sending a jpeg or a raw camera file, you embed the pictures inside a Microsoft Office document like Word or Powerpoint. Don’t forget to lower the resolution to 72 dpi so that they’ll have to contact you again for a higher quality version. When you send them the ‘higher’ version, make sure the size is at least 50% smaller. And if you’re using email to send the pictures, forget the attatchment once in a while.

2-Fonts
If the graphic designer chooses Helvetica for a font, ask for Arial. If he chooses Arial, ask for Comic Sans. If he chooses Comic Sans, he’s already half-insane, so your job’s half done.

3-More is better
Let’s say you want a newsletter designed. Graphic designers will always try to leave white space everywhere. Large margins, the leading and kerning of text, etc. They will tell you that they do this because it’s easier to read, and leads to a more clean, professional look. But do not believe those lies. The reason they do this is to make the document bigger, with more pages, so that it costs you more at the print shop. Why do they do it? Because graphic designers hate you. They also eat babies. Uncooked, raw baby meat.

So make sure you ask them to put smaller margins and really, really small text. Many different fonts are also suggested (bonus if you ask for Comic Sans, Arial or Sand). Ask for clipart. Ask for many pictures (if you don’t know how to send them, refer to #1). They will try to argument, and defend their choices but don’t worry, in the end the client is always right and they will bow to your many requests.

4-Logos
If you have to send a graphic designer a logo for a particular project, let’s say of a sponsor or partner, be sure to have it really really small and in a low-res gif or jpeg format. Again, bonus points if you insert it in a Word document before sending it. Now you might think that would be enough but if you really want to be successful in lowering the mental stability of a graphic designer, do your best to send a version of the logo over a hard to cut-out background. Black or white backgrounds should be avoided, as they are easy to cut-out with the darken or lighten layer style in photoshop. Once the graphic designer is done working on that bitmap logo, tell him you need it to be bigger.

If you need a custom made logo, make your own sketches on a napkin. Or better yet, make your 9 year old kid draw it. Your sketch shouldn’t take more than 5 minutes to make. You don’t want to make something that’s detailed and easy to understand, because the less the designer understands what you want, the more you can make him change things afterwards. Never accept the first logo. Never accept the 9th, make him do many changes, colors, fonts & clip art. Ask him to add a picture in the logo. Bevels. Gradients. Comic Sans. And when he’s at his 10th attempt, tell him that you like the 2nd one the most. I know, it’s mean but remember: graphic designers are the cause of breast cancer among middle aged women.

5-Chosing your words
When describing what you want in a design, make sure to use terms that don’t really mean anything. Terms like ‘jazz it up a bit’ or ‘can you make it more webbish?’. ‘I would like the design to be beautiful’ or ‘I prefer nice graphics, graphics that, you know, when you look at them you go: Those are nice graphics.’ are other options. Don’t feel bad about it, you’ve got the right. In fact, it’s your duty because we all know that on fullmoons, graphic designers shapeshift into werewolves.

6-Colors
The best way for you to pick colors (because you don’t want to let the graphic designer choose) is to write random colors on pieces of paper, put them in a hat and choose. The graphic designer will suggest to stay with 2-3 main colors at the most, but no. Choose as many as you like, and make sure to do the hat thing in front of him. While doing it, sing a very annoying song.

7-Deadlines
When it’s your turn to approve the design, take your time. There is no rush. Take two days. Take six. Just as long as when the deadline of the project approaches, you get back to the designer with more corrections and changes that he has time to make. After all, graphic designers are responsible for the 911 attacks.

8-Finish him
After you’ve applied this list on your victim, it is part of human nature (although some would argue weather they’re human or not) to get a bit insecure. As he realises that he just can’t satisfy your needs, the graphic designer will most likely abandon all hopes of winning an argument and will just do whatever you tell him to do, without question. You want that in purple? Purple it is. Six different fonts? Sure!

You would think that at this point you have won, but don’t forget the goal of this: he has to quit this business. So be ready for the final blow: When making final decisions on colors, shapes, fonts, etc, tell him that you are disappointed by his lack of initiative. Tell him that after all, he is the designer and that he should be the one to put his expertise and talent at work, not you. That you were expecting more output and advices about design from him.

Tell him you’ve had enough with his lack of creativity and that you would rather do your own layouts on Publisher instead of paying for his services. And there you go. You should have graphic designer all tucked into a straight jacket in no time!

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View the poster:

Creating Comics 101

Manila Comic-Con proudly gives to you, the INDIE GO! Valley. As we proudly support our INDIE artists, MCC's gift for you is... wait for it... wait for it... are FREE booth spaces with NO royalties or whatsoever. Yes, you've heard it, believe it and its happening. A 14-meter long table will be given to accommodate our artists/writers.. yup that big.

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The 1st manila Comic-Con
August 8 and 9, 2009

Indie Go! Valley Guidelines


1. INDIE GO! VALLEY is MANILA COMIC-CON’s official venue for INDIE CREATORS and their Comicbook Creations. It will be THE NEXT BIG THING’S centerstage for those who could be THE NEXT BIG NAME in the comic book industry, here and even abroad.

2. Indie Go! Valley can accommodate a total of 30 Artists in all. In case of Indie Title/s produced by a group of artists, the group shall only be allowed to have ONE REPRESENTATIVE to do the selling of the title/s. This will be STRICTLY ENFORCED, so as to give a chance to more Indie Creators, be it Individual or Group, to sell their indies.

3. REGISTRATION is FREE, and NO FEES are to be COLLECTED after the 2-Day event. However, registration will be on a FIRST COME-FIRST SERVED BASIS, therefore only the FIRST 30 Creators (as an Individual or a group) to register will be accommodated.

4. Registration automatically means that the Indie creator AGREES to ACTIVELY PARTICIPATE IN THE EVENT FOR 2 DAYS. Indie Go! Valley Participants MUST AVAIL OF THE EVENT PASSES at the TICKET BOOTHS.

5. There are no limits as to the number of copies you will be allowed to sell. Manila Comic-Con is a 2-day event, and the organizers leave it to the Indie Creators’ judgement the number of copies they think would be enough to sell within 2 days. However, the indie creators shall be required to DECLARE THE SPECIFIC TITLES/ISSUE NUMBERS/INDIE-RELATED ITEMS they will be selling.

6. Participants shall be allowed to sell ONLY THE ITEMS THEY HAVE DECLARED. THE ORGANIZERS HAVE THE RIGHT TO CONFISCATE items that were not declared but are being sold at the event.

7. The Indie Creators are expected to keep their materials READER-FRIENDLY. Comics with MATURE-THEMED STORIES are expected to have contents that would not go beyond artistic nudity and minimal cursing.

8. In accordance to # 7, Selling of PORNOGRAPHIC MATERIALS such as HENTAI MAGAZINES/COMICS is STRICTLY PROHIBITED. THE ORGANIZERS HAVE THE RIGHT TO CONFISCATE such materials being sold at the event. VIOLATORS SHALL ALSO BE BANNED FROM THE EVENT.

9. Participants are expected to be CONSIDERATE of other participants. YOU NEED NOT DISPLAY ALLYOUR ITEMS AT THE SAME TIME. This also holds true to those who plan to bring LARGE STANDEES/TARPAULINES. See to it that using the display won’t render the Indie Creators next to you NON-EXISTENT. Use your space wisely and considerably.

10. The use of electronic gadgets that would require electrical sockets and additional space such as LCD projectors, CD players, Mini-Component, is prohibited. The use of LAPTOPS/NOTEBOOKS is okay, granted that it will run on its own batteries and would not eat up other creators’ spaces.

11. Participants are expected to be at the venue 2 HOURS BEFORE THE EVENT STARTS, each day for 2 days. This is to make sure that everyone’s prepared before the entrance gate opens. Participants are also expected to clean up their places before leaving, after the event.

12. You’ve already read everything, now FILL OUT the attached REGISTRATION FORM. Once completed, email the filled-out registration form to (insert email address), subjected as “MCC Indie Registration”. Please attach to your email along with the Registration Form DIGITAL COPIES OF THE COVERS OF YOUR INDIE/S in JPEG format, maximum of 150 dpi. FAILURE TO COMPLY WITH THE SAID REQUIREMENTS WOULD NOT GET YOU REGISTERED.





NOTE: We will announce when the registration forms will be available for download in the website... but for now... spread the word. The Next Big event is getting BIGGER

It is always darkest before the dawn.

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* More celebrated local and international Filipino Comic Book Artists to meet!
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Recently, we took our balikbayan cousin to Montemar Beach Club in Bagac, Bataan so he can relax and swim in the sea. We thought the trip would be a complete bust because there was no sun and it was raining. Though the good thing was the resort was nearly deserted so it was as if we had our own private beach. But what made the trip really special was that we were given a rare opportunity that most people probably won't be able to experience in a lifetime. We were able release baby turtles or the Pawikan into the wild. It turns out, the beach resort was also a conservation area for the Pawikan. For those who don't know, the Pawikan is actually on the endangered species list because they were being hunted for food or for their shells. We were very fortunate that on the day we were there, they were going to release the newly-hatched turtles into the wild. What's interesting about these turtles is they actually have a sort built-in homing device that when the time came that they are going to lay their eggs, they will always come back to the same beach that they were released from.

We released a total of 171 cute and tiny turtles. It was simple actually. We just placed them near the shore to just sort of point them to the right direction and watched the turtles fight the waves and into the open sea. Even their first taste of the sea was wrought in peril. It was as if their first challenge was to fight the waves in order to be free. As we watched them tumble and roll in the waves, the little kids were cheering " GO TURTLES, GO TURTLES, GO!" ala Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Eventually, they all made it and we can see their small heads bobbing up and down as they swam into the sunset.

It was also a very emotional moment for all the people who participated. Although we were giving them freedom to live in the wild, we also know that most of them will not survive because of predators and other dangers that lurk in the open sea. I wonder, out of that 171 baby turtles, how many will actually come back to lay their eggs? I do hope, though it would be impossible, that all 171 turtles grow big and strong and come back to Montemar Beach Club.

**will post pictures soon!**